I like to think it is too soon.

But it'd seem hypocritical based on the fact that I'm laughing.

This has become a much darker forum.

x

My mum warned me that masturbation would make me blind and in a way she was right - my arm's too tired to pick up my glasses.

I was walking along a high cliff one day and saw a little boy, all alone. He was crying. I asked him, "Son, what are you doing up here all alone?" He replied, with tears in his eyes, "My mum's down there at the bottom. She fell!" "That's terrible!" I said. "And your dad?" "He's down there right next to her. He tried to save her and he fell, too!" "That's awful!" I said. We shared a quiet moment there, together, looking out at the sky over that grand cliff. And then, when he asked me why I was unbuckling my belt, I told him. "Son, today just isn't your day."

You don't want to laugh, but...

x

How many amoebae does it take to change a lightbulb?

One. No, two. No, four. No, eight.



Alright, it's better when Bill Bailey does it.

Okay, either that one was too scientific for you lot or it was shit. But here's another.


What's orange and sounds like a parrot?

A carrot.

Why did the blonde stare at the orange juice?


Because it said concentrate on the carton....

How many babies does it take to paint a barn red?

Depends how hard you chuck 'em.

How many babies does it take to wallpaper a room?

Depends how thin you slice them.

I love how the majority of jokes on this board are twisted it says a lot about the <s>members</s> admin really.

What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a ferrari?



I don't have a ferrari in my garage.

What's pink and hard?






A pig with a flick knife.

(Ha! Not what you expected, was it, you perverts?!?)

Harold Shipman's last meal was a curry. When asked afterwards if he enjoyed it, he replied that it was OK, but, he could've murdered a nan.

A woman brings eight year old Johnny home and tells his mother that he was caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her eight year old daughter.

Johnny's mother says: "Let's not be too harsh on them. They are bound to be curious about sex at that age."

"Curious about sex?!" Replies Mary's mother. "He's taken her fucking appendix out!"

I was running late for uni earlier, so took a shortcut through the graveyard. Saw a bloke on his haunches by a grave.

"Morning," said I.

"Nah," came the reply "just taking a dump"

What's long and pink, and hard in the morning?









The crossword of the Financial Times.


Thank you very much Stephen Fry

Boris Johnson.

I had a joke

And then I forgot it after reading all the dead baby ones.

Well, I do have one, but it wasn't the one I wanted to tell.


How do you get 2 Pikachu on a bus?





Poke-'em-on!

John Arne Riise was stopped by the police on his way home last night on a one way street. He was heading the wrong way.

A charity pantomime in aid of paranoid schizophrenics & homosexuals descended into chaos yesterday when someone shouted "He's behind you"

the austrian tourist board has reported a decline in visitors on stag weekends

turns out they really do lock up their daughters



sorry